Goodbye Mother, Goodbye Father
by Stacey Paretti Rase
According to the American Camp Association, nearly 5 million children in America will pack up and go to sleep-away camp this summer. If you had the experience of an overnight camp as a child, you probably have lasting memories of those fun-filled days—waking for the flag raising; swimming with your buddies; learning arts, crafts and archery; singing songs around the campfire and bunking with your summer pals. You probably also remember the pangs of homesickness that came with your first camp experience. You might be thinking about sending your child to a sleep-away camp this summer to experience all those good times, but the thought of him or her being so far away and homesick is holding you back from registering. How can you tell if she’s ready for a week or two away from home?
Age itself is not one of the best indicators of readiness. Many sleep-away camps admit campers as young as five or six years old, and some camp directors note that their youngest campers have fulfilling experiences after an initial adjustment to being separated from their parents. While there are no guarantees that your child will fall into that category, there are some ways to explore if your child is ready for a summer trek away from home. One of the best indicators is the most simple and obvious observation of all. Is your child asking about it? Does he have friends who have experienced a sleep-away camp and now is curious and ready to join in? If your child is the one initiating these conversations, she is often ready for the experience. Children who only talk about it in response to questions from their parents and show no interest or excitement may be nervous about the experience and perhaps not yet ready. “You want your child to want to go to camp. That’s the first step,” says Susan Hooks, camp director of Riverview Camp for Girls in Mentone, Ala. “When they are asking you about it, you can feel 99 percent sure they will do well operating independently from you.”
Evaluating how your child might fare during the night is also a very important step in determining readiness. Ask any first-time sleep-away camper what their greatest fear is and the answer will almost always come back “sleeping alone in a strange place.” Does your child have a special nighttime routine that he is capable of doing by himself, such as brushing his teeth, washing his face and settling himself down? Having such an independent routine in place should make the process easier once he is away. How does your child react to sleeplessness? Is she a hard sleeper, or does she regularly wake throughout the night? And if she does wake up in the middle of the night, far away from home, do you think she could be soothed by a camp counselor? Consider also how your child reacts to spending the night away from you at local sleepovers. If she has no problem making it confidently through the night in someone else’s home, she’s likely to enjoy the overnight camp experience.
Interestingly, some campers find that they sleep better when away from home at camp. This could be because the intense round of activities during the day causes exhaustion at night! Camp schedules usually have routine wake, sleep and rest times as well, and following a strict routine helps to improve sleep habits. “Our counselor would read us poems every night before bed,” remembers ten-year-old Meghan McNeely, who will be attending overnight camp with her twin sister Margot for the third year this summer, “and that really helped us all go to sleep. It was nice to do that every night.”
While Meghan and Margot do remember being a bit homesick their first year away, they say that some clever pre-camp preparations made the experience easier. “My sister packs a picture of our parents and our horse in her bag so we can look at it at night,” says Margot. The girls also participate in a pre-camp craft activity at home in which they decorate their trunks with photos and memorabilia.
Keep in mind that most sleep-away camps do not allow campers to call home to speak to their parents. Most camp directors, including Hooks, say that experience has shown this to be the best policy in the long run. “I’ve been doing this for 25 years and I’ve seen children who were having a wonderful time at camp simply fall apart when their parent calls to speak with them. It takes the child out of the immersion of the camp environment and is confusing for them emotionally.”
If the camp you choose abides by this policy, be sure to prepare your child beforehand, so he doesn’t expect to hear your voice for a full week. For those camps that offer e-mail or letters by post to campers, be sure to take advantage of that option and reassure your child that you will be communicating with her in that manner. While this type of correspondence doesn’t allow for conversation, per se, it will keep your child up to date on happenings at home and provide comfort. Many other camps provide daily photographs of the kids online so that parents can check in on them while they’re away. Covington mom Pam Harp, who has three kids returning this summer to Camp Cho-Yeh, an overnight coed camp in Livingston, Texas, says that this service was invaluable. “Even though my e-mails to the kids were one-sided, I would ask the kids by e-mail to give me a ‘thumbs up’ in their photos if they were doing okay. It was very reassuring—probably more for me than for them!”
You may find that your child is excited about the idea of going away to camp, but doesn’t have any idea what to truly expect. Some camps offer parent-child weekends at their campground during the winter and spring months to introduce families to the camp experience. If at all possible, attend a weekend with your child to acquaint yourselves with the surroundings. If attending an introductory session like this is not possible, inquire about local visits by the camp director or counselors. Often, camps will send a representative to your area to talk to a group of interested campers and their parents. Representatives from Camp Hollymont, an all-girls camp in North Carolina, visit the northshore area during the winter and spring months. At the gathering, local girls who have previously attended Hollymont share their scrapbooks and memories from past summers, a video is shown that gives an overview of a typical camp session and specific questions about the camp are answered at that time. Programs like this are a great way for your child to meet local experienced campers of their own age, which might give them confidence to forge ahead into the new experience. If neither of these options is available, nearly all camps will send you an informational DVD to watch at home and will even provide references so that you can call other parents to get their perspective.
If you and your child do decide that this could be the year for an overnight camp experience, prepare yourselves for a summer you will never forget. Because once the initial longing for home wears off, most seasoned young campers will tell you that choosing a sleep-away camp brings many rewards. Pam’s 10-year-old son, Alex, has attended both Boy Scout day camp and overnight Camp Cho-Yeh for the past few years and can easily explain the difference. “I do remember being a little homesick my first few nights away,” he says, “but it ended up being better than day camp. You get to hang out with your friends in your cabin and stay up late talking together and playing games at night. That’s something I look forward to.”
Tips for a Successful Sleep-Away Camp Experience:
• Include your child in camp planning so she has a sense of control. Let her in on decisions about which camp to choose, and find one that fits her interests best.
• Set up a trial-run sleep-away experience at the home of a friend or relative. This helps your child know he can feel safe being away from home.
• Involve your child in selecting a camp trunk or duffle bag for packing. Let him help select his clothes for the trip and include some of his favorite familiar objects to take with him, such as a stuffed animal or small blanket.
• Discuss homesickness openly. Be positive about the upcoming camp experience. Avoid expressing personal doubts or concerns, as this may make the child more anxious and uncertain about going away to camp.
• If your child has a medical condition, discuss it directly with camp staff. Make sure your child knows what to do if she feels ill and where regular prescriptions can be taken.
• Talk with your child about different strategies to combat sleeplessness and homesickness. Talk with the camp counselor or director to inform them if your child seems particularly worried about one or more issues.
• Do not make deals with your child regarding early pickups. This undermines children’s confidence and sets them up for failure. Encourage them instead, to show that you really believe that they will do well away from home.
