Teen Driving

Our children’s first steps always make us smile. We cheer with pride when they take their first solo bike ride. But there is a different kind of milestone kids reach that causes panic and fear, instead of pride and joy. Your pulse races. Your palms sweat. Your teenager is about to start driving.

There are good reasons to feel panic when your teen takes to the road. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, auto crashes are the leading cause of death in teens ages fifteen to twenty. Surprisingly, most of the teen accidents in St. Tammany Parish last year did not involve alcohol, just driver error. Fatal accidents can and do happen to good, responsible teenagers. And the younger the driver, the worse the statistics. In fact, sixteen-year old drivers are more than three times as likely to have a crash, compared with eighteen- and nineteen-year-old drivers.

In Louisiana, a teen can get a learner’s permit at age fifteen and a valid driver’s license at age sixteen. Although many teens who obtain a driver’s license have completed a driver’s education program, the crash statistics have not improved. Why? Because poor driving skills are not the primary issue in teen car crashes, says Lt. Thomas Breazeale of the Mandeville Police Department. “Just because a child has completed driver’s education training and has a driver’s license does not mean that he is competent to be behind the wheel,” says Lt. Breazeale. “Most teen crashes are caused by lack of experience.”

Statistics show that a new driver is a danger to himself and others for his first five years on the road. Driving is a skill learned best by doing. There is no substitute for on-the-road experience. And with this experience comes the judgment necessary to make split-second decisions that can save lives. Just as children do not learn to walk, talk or master multiplication tables at the same time, there is no guarantee that they are ready to start driving just because they reach the legal driving age.

Many states, including Louisiana, have passed graduated licensing laws to address the alarming rise in teen car crashes. These laws slowly increase driving privileges to help teens gain experience before driving solo; they are based on the principle that safe driving deserves the same precautions as safe aviation. Teens, like airplane pilots, are required to log a certain number of supervised driving hours before driving solo. Many programs also restrict solo nighttime driving and limit the number of passengers in a new driver’s vehicle. For details on Louisiana’s laws, see www.dps.louisiana.gov.

Parents can supplement the official requirements. The website DriveHomeSafe.com provides information on graduated driver license laws, including an article on stopping teen drivers from speeding. One mother, who lives on a road laced with dangerous curves that are unforgiving of driving error, has required her sixteen-year-old son to log 500 hours of supervised driving before taking the car on his own. A pediatrician and parent of seven offers his children a financial incentive to hold off on driving solo. He will give each child $2,000, the approximate cost of car insurance, to not drive alone until the age of eighteen. The money is to be applied to the purchase of a car.

Tips for parents of teen drivers:

• Be a good role model. Watch your own driving habits—such as talking on cell phones!
• Discuss your driving policy with your teen well in advance of driving age.
• Require teens to log a certain number of supervised driving hours before driving solo.
• Limit solo driving to daytime hours.
• Limit the number of passengers riding with a teen driver; stress seatbelt use for all.
• Limit distractions while driving. A ringing cell phone, changing a CD, or talking to a passenger can have deadly consequences.
• Limit riding with teenage drivers—two out of three teens who die in accidents are passengers of teen drivers.
• Forbid riding with a driver who has been drinking or taking drugs, or who is otherwise behaving in a dangerous manner, such as speeding, etc. Emphasize that you will always provide safe transportation home!
• Provide your child a cell phone as a safety precaution, while stressing its proper use.

Teen Parties

In hallways and classrooms, on sports fields and in locker rooms, on cell phones and computers, students are asking, “Where’s the party?” Unwitting parents beware—the party could be at your house, without your knowledge or consent.

The northshore is the perfect setting for teen parties, right out of the movies. Large homes, wooded lots and affluent parents who often go out or leave town are the perfect combination for illicit and dangerous teenage fun—think “Risky Business” or “Weird Science.” A teen may not intend to host a raging party, but the minute the words “my parents are gone” are uttered, the teenage pipeline is launched—and a party, often beyond a teen’s control, may be inevitable.

You can help prevent unsupervised teen parties by following this advice from the Mandeville Police Department. If you are going out of town, do not leave your teen home alone. Let your neighbors know that you will be out of town and urge them to report tell-tale signs of a party, such as a lot of cars parked along the street, a cluster of teens smoking outside or loud music. Request a vacation check from your local police department. Be sure and check on homes of relatives who are out of town, as they often offer a prime party spot for teens.

It is not unusual for well-meaning parents to provide alcohol at teen parties or look the other way and take keys away in an effort to keep kids safe, rationalizing that if the teens are going to drink, they would rather that they do it at home. Parents who give alcohol to their children’s friends at home are breaking the law. Not only could these parents be at risk for criminal charges, they may be at risk for a civil action for host liability.

Even parties where parents do not allow teen drinking can result in problems. The number one source of alcohol for underage drinkers is from their home or a friend’s home. “It is not unusual for teens to smuggle liquor from a parent and disguise it in a water bottle or [soft drink] can. Parents hosting parties must have enough responsible chaperones circulating throughout the party and limit the party to a contained area,” advises Lt. Breazeale.

Parents foster sobriety by setting boundaries and consequences, communicating with other parents, and checking up on their kids. Don’t think “good kids” don’t drink. They do.

What to do if you are hosting a teen party:

• Send written invitations and contact the parents of each guest.
• Check invitations at the door and make it clear that no crashers will be allowed.
• Do not allow teens to come and go from the party once they have arrived.
• Check all backpacks and bags for liquor.
• Lock up or remove all alcohol from your home.
• Stay in view during the party. Do not go to another part of the house.
• Walk the backyard and perimeter of the home several times during the party.
• Do not allow drunk teens to leave the party—call their parents or the police.

What to do if your teen wants to attend a party:

• Call the parents of the teen hosting the party.
• Ask the parents how many will be attending, who will chaperone, and if they will be checking on the kids throughout the party.
• Ask if you can help.
• Drive by the party throughout the evening.
• Your child should know that no matter where they are and what time it is, you will be available to pick them up—and that you promise to save your questions until the following morning.

Teen Web Surfing

Last February, a stranger entered the Whites’ home without their knowledge or consent. His goal was far more sinister than stealing replaceable possessions. His intent was to rob a thirteen-year-old girl of her childhood innocence. Like a spider weaving a web to trap his prey, this predator used an Internet chat room and a series of e-mails to entice this girl to meet with him at a coffee house. He abducted her from the coffee house, took her to his apartment and sexually assaulted her.

The Internet seems as important to our lives as good roads. While kids are taught that roads can be dangerous, however, many who use the Internet are unaware of the real dangers that lurk online. Kids can be exposed to pedophiles, graphic adult pornographic sites, racist and hate sites and sites advocating everything from anorexia to terrorism and drug use.

To minimize the risks of Internet usage, many parents install blocking software such as “Web Nanny” or “Guardian,” but experts stress that blocking software is not enough to protect your child. Parents must also establish web rules and be involved in what their children are seeing and with whom they are talking online.

The best way to keep kids safe on the Internet is to learn about the Internet yourself and spend time surfing with your child. Keep the computer in a public space in the home where you can periodically monitor web usage. Be certain that your kids know that it’s okay to tell when they encounter a situation online that makes them feel uncomfortable. Kids are afraid that telling the parent will result in having the computer taken away, so many inappropriate incidents may go unreported.

Internet tips for parents:

• Remind children to never give any personal information over the Internet, including where they go to school.
• Make sure your teen chooses a screen name that is not sexually suggestive and will not reveal his or her identity.
• Tell kids that if material on the Internet makes them feel uncomfortable or is inappropriate, they should not respond to it, but should tell a parent.
• Remember, exposure to inappropriate material may not be your child’s fault. It can be the result of unsolicited e-mail or an innocent Web search.
• Make sure kids know that they should never agree to meet with a person they have met online without a parent’s permission and supervision. Remind them that not everyone on the Internet is who they claim or appear to be.

Teen Suicide

Suicide is the third leading cause of death for adolescents in Louisiana and the United States and the second leading cause of death for college-age youth. The northshore has been cited as having the highest incidence of teen suicides in the state.

Teens are caught in the gray area between childhood and adulthood. This period of growth is a time of great possibility, but also a time of confusion and anxiety. Most teens go through periods of normal depression, loneliness and sadness as a reaction to life’s struggles. Some teens, however, suffer an intense depressed mood that lasts two weeks or more. This is clinical or major depression.

If your teen is exhibiting mood swings, has isolated herself in her room and seems to be sleeping a lot, is this normal teenage behavior? Or could these be the warning signs of a possible suicide?

“It is rare for a teen to commit suicide without displaying warning signs for several months,” says Dr. Doug Walker, clinical director of Mercy Family Center in Mandeville. “Parents must take any talk of suicide or any suicidal gesture seriously and as the sign of a problem. Often parents dismiss suicidal behavior as an attempt by the teen at manipulation, instead of the cry for help that it is. Many successful suicides begin as suicidal gestures where the teen is trying to send a message for help and is counting on being saved. It is sad, but all too often the reality is that the warning signs go ignored.”

“Talking to your child about suicide and sending the message that no problem is great enough to take your own life is the best suicide prevention,” says Dr. Walker. “This should start as early as age five or six. Let your kids know that you love them and that you and they will solve any problem together.”

Kids are more likely to share suicidal thoughts with a friend than with a parent or teacher. The award-winning program Teen Life Counts teaches teens how to recognize the signs of depression and suicidal thoughts in their friends and what to do if they, or someone they know, have suicidal thoughts and tendencies. The program hopes to educate kids on the importance of letting an adult know when they suspect a friend is contemplating suicide, even if they have been sworn to secrecy.

The Youth Service Bureau is partnering with the Jewish Family Service of New Orleans to bring Teen Life Counts to northshore schools. Inside Northside is joining YSB in its efforts to raise funds and recruit volunteers.

Warning signs of suicide:

The American Psychiatric Association
urges parents to watch for:
• Withdrawal from family and friends.
• Any suicide attempt, however small or unlikely to be successful.
• Inability to concentrate.
• Sleep problems—either insomnia or over-sleeping.
• Talk of suicide.
• Self-destructive behaviors—drugs, promiscuity.
• A break-up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, an unplanned pregnancy or a legal problem that may seem insurmountable to a teen.
• Sudden mood swings.
• Giving away possessions.
• Neglect of personal appearance and academics.

The Once and Future Safety Net

Eventually, our teenagers become twenty-somethings, and move even farther away from the protective environment we want to provide for them. As parents, we can take heart, however. Whether they are aware of it or not, our adult children carry their own safety net with them—and it is undoubtedly based on most of the values, principles, and behavior that we worked so hard to instill in them during their earlier years.