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A popular commercial
some years ago featured a laid-back, bookish, California-‘60s-type thirtysomething
man who saunters along, enters a building, and goes into a room where a beautiful
young woman is dismissing children from a ballet class. The teacher gives
him a “meaningful look.” Then, the surprise! A little girl standing
close to the teacher says, “Hi, Daddy,” or some such, and runs into
his arms. He scoops her up, and the two of them go off together “into
the sunset” — instead of the teacher and the man! What a statement
about today’s father! And his child! And their relationship! The part
about the sunset undoubtedly dates me, as did my initial reaction to the commercial,
which was, “Where is her mother?” But I believe I vindicated myself
by then thinking, “Oh, maybe she’s at her job” and “Maybe
he’s a single parent” and, finally, “Or maybe she’s just
at home watching TV and he went to pick up his daughter because it’s
his turn, or just because he wanted to!”
There has been
a multiplicity of changes in parenting since I was a child, and even since
my husband and I reared our two in the 50s-60s-70s era. Everything from disposable
diapers to a norm of day-care/baby-sitter/nanny families, from seemingly miraculous
medical advances to DVDs. I believe, however, that no change is more significant
than what has happened to fathers. Fathers parent differently now, compared
to my father and my husband. Today’s dads are generally more involved
with parenting, and with their children. These days, “we” are pregnant.
“We” have a birth plan. Instead of “my mother’s coming
to help,” it’s more likely now that dad stays home for some time
after the birth, so that the all-important bonding can take place. And that
means dealing with dirty diapers, a crying baby, an exhausted (and hormonal?)
wife, laundry, incessant telephone calls and visits, no sleep, cooking, cleaning,
and all the other things that mothers and grandmothers used to do while dads
went to “work.” This new attitude toward parenting continues, through
potty training, monster fears, eating problems, zoo classes, starting school,
etc., etc., etc.
I’m certain
sociologists have many reasons for all of this, beginning with women’s
and men’s “liberation.” It’s all of a piece, somehow,
with two-career families and more men in the laundry and kitchen and grocery.
I don’t believe, however, that the reasons are nearly as important as
the results! I know many of these “new” fathers. I love to listen
to them talk. Most of all, I am touched by watching them with their children.
It is then that they most reveal themselves, probably without realizing it.
They sometimes seem awestruck, wondering at the miracle of it all, reverencing
these little persons who have the power to make them feel very, very small
and humble and yet like the master of the universe, all at the same time.
There are many shared, silly moments at play that are absolute delight and
glee! So much genuine freedom and joy that it’s hard to tell which one
is the child. And sometimes — a lot of times — these oh-so-human
men seem afraid, doubting their ability to protect this precious bit of life
from all hurt and evil and disappointment and anything that is not good, and
not wanting to admit that it is unrealistic to expect that they can. I can’t
help but believe that this new attitude and this new involvement — whatever
makes these “new” fathers “new” — are great gifts
to their children.
And I feel certain that, on Father’s Day and every day, they see their children as the greatest gifts of all.
Copyright © 2002 L&M Publishing, L.L.C. All rights reserved.
